about my sexual desire, possible tmi.

https://theacetheist.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/differentiating-sexual-attraction-and-sexual-desire/

I experience sensual attraction and desire and generally want to fulfill that by hugging and leaning on people and stuff like that, mostly upper-body stuff, although lower body is not off-limits or completely unenjoyable*.

I experience arousal thinking about some people, and want to do some kind of touching with them in response to that arousal, but I'm not sure ~what~.

I've been calling myself asexual because I have been generally disgusted by "hand jobs" and piv, and I don't have an urge (like the attraction described in the acetheist post) for either.

But I don't seem to have an urge for *any* specific thing relating to that arousal, just a vague desire to do ~something~ about it, so

I want to try new things to see if anything is satisfying/enjoyable.

and I am also tentatively willing to try *those* two things again, because maybe those individual experiences were just bad.

I've also considered the possibility that body dysphoria is a reason I don't like genital contact, and I'm still not sure if that's right.

* I've really liked [name] touching my leg with his hand, whereas I've at most tolerated that from other people.